Great one-liners from Great People

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Great one-liners from Great People

These are great one-liners from great people.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,

‘Lillian, you should have remained a  virgin.’

– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy  Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description  in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine
against a  wall.’

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.

– Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.

– George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a  year.

– Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

– Mark Twain

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.

– Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

– Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

– Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

– Rodney  Dangerfield

Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.

– Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name  was SHUT UP .

– Joe Namath

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my
nap.

-Bob  Hope (who lived to be 100) said

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

– W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.

– Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
you.

– Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.

– Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go
anywhere.

– Billy Crystal

Great one-liners from Great People

Great one-liners from Great People