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Great one-liners from Great People
These are great one-liners from great people.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’
– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall.’
– Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
– Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
– George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
– Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my
nap.
-Bob Hope (who lived to be 100) said
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
– Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
– Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
– Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go
anywhere.
– Billy Crystal
Great one-liners from Great People
Great one-liners from Great People
